I'm Not Okay, I promise
by Musings of a Shaken Mind
Summary: Because sometimes, there's not one damn thing you can do that pleases anyone else. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**I have a million and one other stories that I should be updating, but I have decided against it. Because I really love starting new stories, don't you?**

**Because I loove rebellious Bella... the Cullens will appear later, promise. :)**

**UPDATE: This is a re-draft, because I think the original was probably a little extreme. Sorry about that. :)**

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"NO! You can't bloody well make me… there is no way in hell that I am going to that crappy town! You have got to be joking, Renee."

My mother, traitor that she was, just smiled and shook her head, amused, "You know, Isabella, this is precisely _why _you need to leave. Phoenix is clearly no good for you. I think that some time with your father would be good for you."

"You might as well kill me now! I'd rather die than go to live with him. And what about my System gig, huh?! How am I going to manage to get to that when I'm the _other side of the fucking country? _I'm seventeen! You can't just make me go!" I was shouting now, appalled by the idea of moving away. How could she even entertain the idea?! I was happy here, or at least, as happy as a hormonal seventeen-year-old girl can be.

My mother pinched the bridge of her nose, the way she always did when she was close to losing her temper. I backtracked quickly. Renee in a temper ain't exactly pretty. "Come on, Renee, what did I do to deserve this?"

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. "Oh, I don't know…" her voice started out sickly-sweet, but condescending, as if explaining something very obvious to a small, incompetent child. "Perhaps it's the drugs, Isabella. Or the alcohol. Or the parties that I know you sneak out to. Or maybe, it's the boys that you bring home every night. Do you think I'm deaf? Not quite yet."

"That's none of your fucking business."

My tone matched her volume perfectly, calm and quiet, though I was practically shaking with anger. How dare she!? I was almost eighteen, for god's sake. It was my life.

"You're going, and there will be no more debate about it. You have no choice in the matter, Isabella. You're leaving tomorrow. I'd pack… unless you want me to do it for you?"

"No way. No bloody way. You can't control me!" I scowled. She'd pack a load of shit, and then probably burn my stuff. I should really do it, because I kinda liked my own crap…

Her eyes tightened minutely with pain. Bugger. Annoying as she was, I did kind of love Renee, and I didn't really like hurting her… but my pride wasn't going to let me apologise.

Instead I turned quickly away, storming upstairs, my faded black converses lying abandoned at the bottom of the stairs. I reached my room –white, with a gothic black swirl across the walls- and pulled out a fag immediately, lighting it and taking a draw. I closed my eyes in relief and fumbled under my bed for the bottle of vodka. I felt the smooth glass under my fingers, and pulled it out, examining it.

"Oh, perfect. Bloody wonderful." Empty. Just when I really needed a drunken stupor, too. Crap.

Pulling a battered black suitcase from under my bed, I unlocked it, pulling open the lid, and scowling at the dusty contents. So _that _was where those skinnies went… I dumped the stuff on the floor. Most of it was rubbish, empty bottles and packets that were still illegal in the US.

I pulled open the black wardrobe, yanking out my most 'controversial' clothes, (Renee's words, not mine) and stuffing them into the case, along with makeup –eyeliner, black. Mascara, black. Eyeshadow, either black or garishly neon colours. Pale foundation. My straighteners stayed out. I used them a lot… The hair dye also went in, and extensions. I might be forced to go to some hellhole in the middle of nowhere, but I wasn't going to make this easy for Charlie.

It was seven by then. Two hours to get ready. I stripped and stepped into the shower, under the hot jets, washing my dyed-black hair with my favourite shampoo, and stepping out of the shower, a towel around me. I stopped by the full-length mirror, staring at the reflection. My customary layer of black eye make-up had been washed away, leaving my face unexpectedly vulnerable and empty. I shivered unconsciously, turning away, lighting another fag, and drawing on it. It was almost a reflex action by now. I knew that Renee hated it, but I continued anyway. To spite her? Probably.

I pulled on the lacy black underwear, and then fishnets over my slender, white legs. I knew the effect they'd have on the boys of all ages at my favourite punk-rock club. Over my tights, I wore my favourite tartan mini, with my converses on for comfort. I pulled the strings of my corset-top perhaps a little too tightly, smirking at my tiny waist. The stud belt went on last, on my hips.

I re-applied my black make-up and blow-dried, and then straightened my long black hair. Finally, I inserted the studs into my various piercings—belly button, tongue, lip, eyebrow and ears. I glanced at the clock for a moment. Half an hour. Time enough to get across town on my Harley.

I didn't bother talking to Renee again. It would only result in another argument. Kicking my bike into life, I smiled at the familiar roar, before releasing the clutch and gunning it down the High street, towards the old warehouse that I knew so well.

Bob was on the door tonight. I smiled. No point in pulling out the fake-id, then.

"Hey, Bob."

The huge, burly man grinned down at me, his eyes lingering a little longer than was necessary on my chest, "Hey, kid. Lookin' good tonight. As always eh, Bel?"

I smirked, knowing the effect my body had on him. "As always, Bob."

He grinned back stepping aside for me to pass by, "Have fun, honey."

"Thanks."

I disappeared inside, glancing around at the familiar interior. Some unsigned band was playing; they always saved the bigger acts for later on. I headed straight for the bar, ready to drown my annoyance at my mother.

"Vodka."

The man behind the bar nodded. He seemed to be a little dazed, and I raised an eyebrow as he continued to stand there, staring.

"Hello? Today would be nice."

He turned quickly away, but not before his eyes raked appraisingly over my body one more time, and poured my drink.

"On the house."

I smirked. It was amazing how seldom I had to pay for my drinks. Downing the glass in one, I turned my back on the man, making my way into the crowded area in front of the stage. Might as well make the most of it.

I saw some hot guy kissing a pretty girl in the corner and smirked, pushing my way over. After a moment, they surfaced, and she smiled at him, said something and disappeared. I approached the guy, wearing my best seductive smile.

He saw me in a moment, and there was a moment when I almost saw his eyes pop. I pressed myself against him, grabbing his hair and forcing his lips down to mine. He resisted, but only for a second, his hand resting on my chest. After a moment, I pulled away slightly, my lips still only a few millimetres from his. I bit my lip 'shyly', knowing the effect it had on most guys. He looked a little dazzled, and I knew immediately that I had accomplished what I'd set out to do, when something hard pressed against my stomach.

I ran my tongue over my lips, and stepped away, beckoning for him to follow. We didn't go far, just to a corner where I knew there was a supply closet. I opened it, and pulled him in after me. He closed the door behind him.

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I woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar room. Carpet littered with clothes –none of which were mine-, walls a grungy blue. But this kinda thing happened a lot. I sat up, and immediately regretted it when my head started pounding violently.

I swallowed a moan, and extracted myself from the arms of some guy. Not the same one as last night. Huh.

My clothes were nowhere in sight. But I had loads similar at home. There was no point in wasting time looking for them. Instead, I rooted through unfamiliar drawers, extracting an overlarge shirt, and pulling it over my head, along with my mini which I found, by some miracle, draped over the sink in the messy bathroom just off the bedroom.

And then, I finally remembered. Today was it. The day I moved. To live with Charlie.

"Aw, fuck."

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**So? What do you think? Too much? Not enough?**

**I dunno, I've never really done anything like this before. The rest of the chapters probably won't be as extreme, but I dunno… :P**

**Anyways, please let me know. I'm feeling dreadfully insecure… /**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ooh, I do love a nice juicy bit of controversy…**

**It seems opinions were divided on the last chapter, and I can't say I blame you all. But the purpose of making Bella's behaviour so extreme was to make her meeting with Edward and, through him, her redemption, all the more intense. So I'm sorry for offense caused, truly. Please bear with me-- I don't like Bella much at the moment, either.**

**Also, I think I'm going to edit the last chapter. You were right-- I think I might have taken it too far.**

**Thanks anyway, I appreciate your opinions!**

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**I stepped off of the plane, glancing warily around for the unfamiliar face of my father. It wasn't like I knew him, really-- he and Renee had broken up when I was only four, and we'd stayed away since then. That was fine, I didn't much care about him anyway. He'd never been part of my life.

And now he was going to be a huge part. My _legal guardian. _I snorted in response to the thought, causing an aloof businesswoman to sniff condescendingly in my direction. I glared in return, and she sashayed away, probably to some expensive limousine that would take her to some fancy downtown apartment…

For a moment, I lost myself, imagining myself in her high-class life. It was something I'd never achieve, much as I wanted it…

But then my dreams were shattered as I heard a voice call my name, and remembered exactly where I was. Forks. Tiny, insignificant… they probably didn't even know what a limousine was, here. I moaned to myself. What the hell had Renee done?

"Isabella?"

My name again. Coming from a balding man who was hurrying towards me, his moustache quivering violently.

"Charlie?"

"Um, yeah…" He glanced over my appearance, and his brow furrowed. I almost laughed out loud. This was the effect I generally had on adults, and it always amused me.

"Great."

"Is that all your luggage?" Huh. He didn't seem to be one for beating around the bush. I glanced down at my battered black rucksack and snorted.

"Hardly. This is just the hand crap. My real stuff will be around…somewhere."

"Oh, right…" He turned away, gesturing towards a sign that read **LUGGAGE**. "There?"

I rolled my eyes. Stating the obvious, much? "Duh. I'll go get it."

I turned abruptly away, stalking over to the baggage carousel, searching for my suitcase. The stuff hadn't started arriving yet, and people were crowding around, waiting for it. I pushed my way to the front of the crowd, uncaring about who I hit. When the first suitcase fell, I scowled. It was crisp, cream and obviously expensive. And, aside from that… there was loads of it! I watched, incredulous, as more and more matching items appeared. Was this some kind of joke?

But then an annoyingly high-pitched, excited voice sounded, from right behind me.

"Em! Jazz! Ed! There it is!"

I turned around to locate the source of the noise, probably to throw a few choice swear words at the girl, but stopped suddenly. I felt my jaw drop, and my cheeks flush.

A group of people stood directly behind me, five in all. The one who had spoken was probably the one nearest me. She was tiny, her black hair spiked in random directions. Behind her were three boys-- Blonde, Brown and an odd bronze colour. Brown was huge. Beyond huge, really; muscles of a bodybuilder were clear beneath even his loose shirt. Next to him was the blonde-haired man, as tall as the first, but not nearly as muscled, his flaxen hair falling into his eyes. And then there was the other one, the youngest. His messy bronze hair was wild, and his eyes were an intense gold…

…And he was staring right at me. I fought to tear my gaze away from him, focussing on the others with him.

Behind them was a girl, blonde, and utterly perfect. She looked bored, as she studied her manicured nails.

They were all so different, and yet… they looked so alike. Same pale skin, straight features… same striking golden eyes.

Oh, and they were all incredibly beautiful. Like, airbrushed-magazine-movie-star-beautiful. I glanced around, clamping my jaw with a snap as I searched for some kind of film crew… paparazzi, maybe. Perhaps they were shooting a movie. But there was no-one in sight…

The boys all stepped forward and around me. Between them, somehow, they managed to retrieve all of the matching bags, and stowed them on four airport trolleys. They barely fit.

And then they turned away, seemingly oblivious to the stares that they were receiving, as if they got them all the time. Mind you, they probably did…

Dazed, I shook my head and reached to pull my own, comparatively pathetic suitcase from the carousel, dragging it back towards my father. I bumped into several people, my inherited clumsiness getting the better of me. I scowled as I tripped again, only to be caught suddenly, by a pair of cold arms. I glanced upwards, shocked, only to see the face of the bronze-haired angel staring down at me. If possible, he was even more perfect in close proximity. I fought back the sudden urge to kiss him, as I might have done had we met in some sweaty club, back home. His breathtaking golden eyes met mine, curiosity shining through them. But there was something else, too… something I could not recognise, no matter how I tried.

And then he spoke, and I almost fainted right there, in his arms. His voice was as beautiful as the rest of him. And it sounded amused. "You should watch where you're going…"

I went into immediate lockdown, the familiar hardened walls causing me to stiffen, and extricate myself from his embrace. I sneered back at him. "Maybe you should mind your own fucking business."

His expression changed dramatically. It was suddenly confused. Hurt? I hoped so… He was probably used to having girls throw themselves at him.

"Oh… right. Sorry." He sounded unsure now, though his voice was still angelic.

I could think of no reply, and turned, stalking away. I'd only embarrass myself again.

When I reached him again, Charlie raised an eyebrow questioningly, and I sneered up at him, still too annoyed by _him_ to feign politeness. Not that I did that much, anyway…

"What the fuck? Can we just leave?"

His eyebrow raised a fraction more at my language, but he nodded wordlessly and turned away, towards the exit, taking my case from me.

I couldn't help but look around for those people again. Particularly the one with bronze hair…

They were nowhere in sight.

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**"These Authors are a dying breed. In some parts, we have had to resort to keeping them in captivity to ensure their continued survival. Their extinction is steady, and yet so easily preventable! The solution is so simple, it is a shock that so few have actually caught on. All it takes is a review... Simple, and yet so effective! Your review will be donated to this worthy cause, and will go towards keeping authors happy and content, and doing what they do best, in their natural environment. Donate one today, and it will go straight to the _Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty and Depression in Young Authors of Fan Fiction_ (also known as the RSftPoCaDiYAoFF. Catchy, eh?). You could change a life today!**

**Have a heart-- _Review!"_**

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**(If that didn't convince you, then I'm not sure what will... :S )**


	3. Chapter 3

"What the hell is everyone staring at

"What the hell is everyone staring at?" I thought silently to myself as I walked the halls of my new personal hell—Forks High School.

The stares had been creeping me out all day. Had they never seen a new girl before?

Oh, of course not. Silly me.

I held the stares defiantly until the curious person got embarrassed and looked away. I always had been bloody good at staring contests. I rolled my eyes as the most recent of my nosey classmates blushed crimson, and looked away. His blonde hair was gelled into absurd spikes, his round face childish. So not my type, and definitely one to avoid.

The stares were probably focussed on my clothes though, rather than my outrageous (HA!) beauty.

The luminous pink fishnets, black plaid mini skirt and green military-style jacket I wore sis not seem to be in fashion here. Not that they were ever really in fashion anywhere, but whatever. It was me. Better than being just another generic popular kid, or worse—some nerd with glasses. Unique, I called it.

I'd already forced myself through English, Spanish Government and Trigonometry. At least we had lunch now. I purchased my customary bottle of diet coke, (eating's overrated, didn't you know?) and was looking around the café for an empty table.

That one would do, in the corner. As far away from spike-head as possible. I walked past tables of students, who fell weirdly silent as I passed them.

The walk across the crowded room seemed to take forever, but I finally sat down at my table. The scraping of my chair against the battered linoleum broke the spell, at last. Hushed whispers filled the air. I didn't exactly have super-sensory hearing, but it was good enough that I heard the words "Swan", "table" and "Cullen" mixed up in the hum of chatter. Briefly, I wondered if these people's lives were _that _sad, that they were astonished by a person merely sitting down in a bloody chair, at an unoccupied table!

Shaking my head in exasperation and annoyance, I looked away, out of the grubby window. It was actually sunny today—In _Forks!—_(I know, right?!), hence the mini skirt.

Lunch took forever. I stayed at my table, meeting none of the interested eyes that were constantly focussed on me, and making no attempt at contact.

No-one joined me.

Biology was just as boring, really. I sat alone, at a desk in the centre of the classroom, as we did the day's lab.

I skived P.E. I didn't have _that_ much patience.

The next day was just same as the first. Tedious. But at least the weather stayed bright.

And then came the third day.

It was so incredibly unlike the previous two, that it was almost amusing.

Alright, so the morning was pretty much the same, with the exception of the weather—it was dull and raining again. Typical Forks.

Also, someone took my parking space, which was bloody annoying. It made me late, because I had to park my Harley at the other end of the fucking car park. As I walked past the offending car, I gave the perfect silver bumper a measured kick with my metal-capped boot, scratching the paint job nicely.

"Stupid, shiny Volvo owner…"

**(A/N: I was so tempted to leave it there, you have no idea. But it's too short. Meh…)**

And then came lunch. As I entered the café, have bought my diet coke, I stopped abruptly.

There were people at my table.

More specifically, five people. Five of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen, actually. Feeling the omnipresent anger start to build up, I stormed across the room.

Pretty or not, they were still at _my table._

One of them stood up, a girl. Her spiky black hair might have been kind of cool, if it hadn't had several gems stuck into it.

Why did the girl look familiar?

No, of course not. That was ridiculous. I'd never seen her before.

But the others seemed familiar, too. Where _had _I seen them?

As my gaze flickered between them, the black-haired girl called, in a soprano voice so beautiful it cut right through the other conversations, "Bella!"

_How the hell did she know my name?!_

"Bella! Come sit with us!"

One of the boys seemed to be trying to restrain her. He was gorgeous! His features were perfect below his untidy mop of bronze hair… wait. Bronze?! The family from the airport?

I looked at the small group of students again. Yes, it was unmistakeable. They were definitely the golden-eyed supermodels from the airport.

But why were they here?

And what the hell were they doing at my table?!


	4. Chapter 4

**Alreet? I'm back. Nice to see you all. Without further ado, I give you.. Chapter four. Enjoy!**

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**PREVIOUSLY: **

_But why were they here?_

_And what the hell were they doing at my table?!_

_

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_Diet coke in hand, I made my way warily over to the table. As I reached it, the bronze-haired angel turned to glare up at me with golden eyes. They were full of so much uninhibited hatred that I took an unconscious step backwards. Though I would not admit it, I was terrified.

The spiky-haired girl smacked him on the arm, and he turned the intensity of his scowl on her. She seemed completely unfazed by it, and smiled at him. He stood up abruptly, and left the café with incredibly smooth, graceful movements. I watched him leave.

"Don't mind Edward." The pixie spoke again, and I turned back to her, "He has problems with his temper, sometimes. Have a seat!" She motioned to the recently vacated chair beside her. "I'm Alice, by the way."

Against my better judgement, I sat down next to her. What was I doing? And where had my temper gone?

"Bella," I muttered in response.

Alice giggled, "Yes. I know. This is Emmett—" the huge, muscled guy who looked as though he should be in college—"Rose—" the striking blonde, sat on Emmett's knee.—"And Jasper."

I turned to face the last of Alice's friends, who was gazing lovingly at her. Okay, so more than friends.

"Nice to meet you all."

Despite the obvious differences in hair colour, they all looked increasingly similar. Pale skin, golden eyes, perfect features. It was actually kind of creepy…

"So… how do you know my name?"

Alice giggled again. This seemed to be an annoying habit of hers. "I just do. Don't you remember us, from the airport?"

"Um… yeah." I mean, really. How could I forget them?

Emmett snickered, "You mean, you remember Edward…"

I blushed. That was one of those stupid, inherited traits from one of the parents. I hated it. "Wanker."

Alice looked slightly shocked by my use of language, but apart from that, no-one passed comment. I rolled my eyes. Where were these kids from, a hundred years ago?

I had another stab at conversation. "Are you…uh… not eating anything?"

Amused glances flickered between the five of them, "Nope. Are you?" That was the blonde, Rose. She was astoundingly beautiful.

"Nah. I don't do lunch, so much."

Alice looked disapproving, "You know that's very bad for you."

I raised an eyebrow. The incredibly thin—probably anorexic—girl, who didn't happen to be eating, telling _me _that I had dietary problems? Um, okay.

"Probably."

I might have commented further, but just then the bell rang. Biology. Wonderful.

I stood abruptly, but they beat me to it. They were all as graceful as Edward had been. Hardly fair, really.

"See you tomorrow, Bella!" Alice chirped to me as I hurried away, bag slung over my shoulder. Yeah. Right.

I headed to Biology and sat down at my usual desk. I was the first to arrive, and doodled on my notes as the class filled up around me.

The last seat to be filled was the one next to me, but filled it was. I almost had a heart attack, as a smooth, velvet voice asked, "Is this seat taken?"

I looked up, blinking, directly into the golden eyes of Edward himself. Shrugging, I looked away as he sat down.

Oh yes.

This was going to be a long year.


End file.
